another list called "good things"

• rediscovering totally bangin' playlists from long ago
• people who recognize movie quotes
• not writing papers at 1a.m.
• sleep
• laughing at yourself
• feeling full but not fat
• modest mouse
• coming up with band names
• like how cool would it be if your band was named eponymous so that your eponymous album would be called eponymous
• don't steal my idea
• bullet points
• not having homework to do
• sleep
• obedient liquid eye liner
• having q-tips readily on hand for disobedient liquid eye liner
• laying on the ground
• harry potter and the prizoner of azkaban
• harry potter and the literally anything 
• that wasn't actually a book
• sorry for crushing your hopes and dreams
• mine died with fred weasley
• no shave november and also october and december and january and february and throw in march for good measure
• electric guest
• five dollar concerts in pioneer park
• chocolate milk
• the word "heathen" and its accurate application to me that everyone thinks i'm joking about but i kind of want a tattoo and i don't want to go on a mission and i say shit a lot and my brain says fuck a lot and i have to think about what i'm saying a lot because otherwise i'd end up saying "you can take your studying and shove it up your ass" and that seems to be frowned upon in the greater provo area
• sleep
• dr pepper from mcdonald's
• autocorrect*
• asterisks
• ampersands
• freckled shoulders
• phantogram
• knowing trivia
• did you know that snails are hermaphrodites
• did you know that lions and leopards and cheetahs don't get along
• did you know that grizzly bear remixed a feist song
• like what is this and how is this
• as much as i like it, i don't know how i feel about grizzly bear remixing things
• did you know that titus andronicus is the worst ever
• this is truth
• not opinion
• sleeping babies
• lyk omg babeez
• apple cider
• sweaters
• boys
• campfires
• the combination of the four preceding points
• sleep
• 1a.m. blogging
• eating real breakfast
• CAPSLOCK
• a lack of capslock
• rain
• crunchy leaves
• electric blankets
• e.e. cummings
• a lot of the books on the banned book list
• i'm looking at you, perks of being a wallflower
• not so much captain underpants.
• sorry
• those chocolate oranges i get in my stocking at christmas that you against the floor so that the little chocolate sections fall away from the center like a beautiful artichoke
• or something like that
• everyone's obsession with david archuleta and then they're like "but his ideal girl is one that isn't obsessed with him" and then i say "obv i'm his ideal girl then, considering the fact that if i wasn't as lazy as i def am, i probably would've voted for david cook." and then they ignore my lack of fangirling over him as i laugh because probably none of us will marry him
• sleep
• oreos dipped in nutella
• thinking about baby names like i can actually talk to cute boys without reverting to my multi-chinned state of awkward non-flirting
• i can't
• i'm never getting married
• if i have a girl, i want to name her rosaline
• my dog
• he's smelly
• i love him
• my roommate
• she's actually super cool
• we get along really well
• we have dance parties with a strobe light app
• she thinks it's scary
• i think her fear is amusing
• i am a terrible person
• sleep
• boys with nice jawlines
• i could name our child rosaline
• beating other people academically
• it reminds me of high school
• #sorrynotsorry
• sleep

--erin

*sometimes

a mostly pointless list of mostly pointless superpowers written by a mostly pointless girl with a mostly pointless major and mostly pointless blue eyes that cry mostly pointless tears when she's mostly pointlessly sad

• the ability to make water lukewarm
• the ability to gain weight at above average speed (but you have to do that whole diet and exercise crap to get rid of it)
• the ability to punch really hard but really slowly
• the ability to run in slow motion 
• the ability to turn anything into a tv remote (but you can't change it back)
• the ability to doggy paddle twice as quickly
• the ability to move at the speed of light (but only when you're already in space. good luck finding a rocketship. if draco couldn't find one, neither can you. no pigfarts for you. pff)
• the ability to screenshot just by blinking
• the ability to fall asleep exactly 38 minutes after you go to bed
• the ability to eat two chocolate cakes in the space of an hour
• the ability to insert punctuation into other people's texts
• the ability to attract baseballs with your face
• the ability to name that actor in that movie without consulting imdb
• the ability to turn any noodles into top ramen
• the ability to make green things orange
• the ability to be open about things
• the ability to fall in love
• the ability to not care about getting hurt
• the ability to run away from feelings
• the ability to make leopard print into cheetah print
• the ability to make a really successful baking soda and vinegar volcano
• the ability to make cardboard into printer paper
• the ability to ask the supposedly nonexistent "stupid question"
• the ability to finish half of the things you start
• like this list

--erin

notes

my bones broke when i ripped the page

and your mother stopped calling when you were

nothing but fine.

you were

anything but fine.

big hearts break into small pieces.

and her lips said love

and her hips said sin

and i know i can't be unbroken

and i know i can't take back the words i've thrown from my tongue,

even if i wanted to,

even when they shattered against you

and you

and you

and you

like a glass bottle shatters against brick

and i lied to myself when i said that i was strong.

because broken glass cuts.

it always has.

it always will.

and i warn myself away

and i keep my own secrets

for now.

and i watched my hands,

two at the top

the right drops

the white splits

half stuck on the left

half escaped to the right

that flutters down

and the "in" falls

on the fault line

and the "er" stays

between the satin covers.

so, slip your fingers between mine, love,

and cry for me when i can't myself

because my bones broke when i ripped the page,

and my eyes stayed dry.

my bones broke when i ripped the page

and i watched as white turned to grey.

let the tears carve tracks to your throat, dear,

because my bones broke when i ripped the page,

and i'd be lying if i said i wouldn't do it again.

cry like a firestorm, love,

cry,

because big hearts break into small pieces,

just like everything else.


--erin

[counting raindrops and wellsprings]

[we start light until the rain starts to fall.
heavy follows.]

and the glamour hasn't faded from my eyes,
even if we've stopped spelling it with a "u."

and i am the "u" in glamour and favourite and colour and clamour
and the "o" in ostentatious and obvious.

and they showed me that falling stars aim for my eyes and i let them in
and that falling hearts aim for my chest and i let them stain my favourite shirt.

[and the drops hit your window pane]

"it's the new trend, haven't you heard?
broken chic. bonus points if it's your own blood [i]"

[the river swells]

and they tell me that i can say blood [ii] as many times as i want
because it never goes out of style.

blood [iii] that smells like iron and dirt,
and someone lied when they told you your chest breathes roses.

YOU BEAT BLOOD [iv]

[torrential downpour]

rushing dropping falling lying
about humanity
and the ruby blood [v] between the lines on every page.

[thunder louder than your mouth]

bleed [vi] into the lines like ink.

the general consensus:
"call it love, call it hate, call it joy, call it pain,
you'll always bleed [vii]."

[lightning hits the ash tree]

humanity bleeds [viii].
there is no glamour.

it's raw, it's gritty, it loves dirt in your wounds.

[and the pain won't wash down the street
with the fallen leaves]

and i am the "u" in wounds and humanity and hurt and run
and i am the "o" in blood [ix] and mortality.

and it takes ten to fall apart.



--erin





[because the rain fell like blood]

[x]

rhyme, not reason

lights fade                                           .                                                      
laughter dies                         .                                                        .                               .                .
love follows                                            .                                                  
hate lies                                                                                                                                        .
                                              .                                  .                                              .
kiss your palms                              .                     .                       '                                        .
touch the stars                                     .      .                                .               .               .
watch the skies                    .                                                                      
watch the skies                              .                                                                      .                             .
                                                                        .                   .            
now is then                                                                                                  
then was will           .                                  .                                .                                   .             .
close your eyes                            .                        ..                                              .
lie so still                                                                               .            .    
                                                                                                                                               :
kiss your palms  .                      .                              ..                                .      
touch the stars                                       :                                  .                                       .
it's God's will               .                                  .                                     .        
it's God's will                                                                   .                                     .
                                               .                                                          .        
quiet hearts                   .                   .                          .               :                                               ..
shaking fears            .                                  .                                              .                        .
always stopping                  .                                .                          .                        .
stealing tears                                   .                                  .                   .
                                     .                                                         .                           .               .
kiss your palms                            .                                .                     .      
touch the stars         .              .      ..                       .                   .                
hope appears                                              .                                             .
hope appears                                                                   .                                              .                  
                                    .                          .                        .                      .  
lips pressing                            .                           .                          .                                                    .
eyelids shut                                                  .                                        
cheeks warming                                                          ..                     .  
asking what                               .              .                     :                  .                                     .            
                                                   .                       .                         .                 .
kiss your palms         .                             .                        .                         .    
touch the stars                         .                                                        .                       ..
heal the cuts            .                                                 .                                   .
heal the cuts                                    .                                   .              
                                                            .               .                                                      .                     '
pinpricks                                                           .                                          
blinks                   .                                                              .                .
falls                                           .                                                 .                
shoots                                                                                       .                                               .  
thinks     .               .                                           :                                                  ..                      
walls                .                                .                                          .              .
winks                       .                 .                             .                          .        
boots          ..                     .                       .                        .            .           .                                           .
walks                                         .                  .                                                                ..          .  
wicks                                                                  .                                 .  
stalks            .                                    ..                                     .                
ticks                        :                                                   .                                            .                            .
talks                                      .                                                          .
sticks                                                       .                                                                .              .      
stones         .                                      .                                  .                  
bones                                                                 .                                  .  
box                            .                                                           .
bruises                                                  .                                          .                 .              .
palms           .                                                                .                  
palms                                    .                                                                                         .                         .
palms                   .                                               .                                                                     .
stars                                                                                                      .
stars                                                                                          .                                 .
stars             .                                     .
stars                                                                        .                                          .                     .               ..
                                   .                                                                      .
                                                                                      .
                                                       .                                                                 .                      .          
.                                                                                               .                                   .                        .  
       .                                                                                                         .       :                                
                                .                                     .                         .                                        .              
      .                       .                        .                                                           .           .                  .      
                    .                                .                     .                    .                        .        
.        .                     .                                   .                                    .                      .                 .           .                                                           .                  .                    .                              .            .            .                                                                                                     .                             .                                   .             .                           .                   .                                                             .                            ..              .                    .                                                                      .              .                     .                                                               .                               . . .                                                           .                      .             .   .   .    .                             .                              .            .                                                                 .                                        .                     .                                          .                 .         .                                   .                   .                            .                        .            .                                                   .            :               .                               .                                                          .                  .                                                  .               .                      .                      .                    .                                    .            .                                 .                          .                                              .                   .                                                           .                   .                           .                                     .                               .               .            .            .            .                          :                                          .                            .                .                      :                                 .      .                                .            .
                         .                                                       .                          .                           .              .                   .                                                                                .                                .                                                                                                 .                                                                          .
                                                            .                                            .                          .                                                     .          
 .
                                                                                             .

kiss your palms and touch the stars
touch your heart
kiss your eyes
kiss the lovers
touch the night
touch the night
touch the light


--erin



[star field idea stolen from this post, btw, because endymion fell is incrrreeddiibbblleee. let's talk about how good her poetry is.... it's very good.]

wizdomme

things that didn't make my paper about the definition of wisdom for my shakespeare class:

wisdom is a heart that beats instead of breaking
understanding before reacting
living before falling
falling before running
running before crawling
crawling before crying
wisdom bleeds
wisdom hears and
wisdom hurts
belief in yourself
belief in everything but yourself
wisdom is remembering pain
knowing you don't know everything
trying to learn everything
loving without reservation
loving with only reservation
watching the spaces between your fingertips
closing the spaces between your hearts
dropping barriers
putting them up
knowing yourself
forgetting yourself
forgetting everyone else
crying until the tears forget why they're there
showing vulnerability
hiding vulnerability
sharing your soul
keeping it to yourself



i still don't know what wisdom is
where to find it
how to gain it
if i'm supposed to apply it
or live in shaking ignorance






tell me if wisdom is accepting pain
or avoiding it



--erin

i really don't know what to even do with this, let alone what to call it.

chests fluttering like eyelashes
birds' wings
following eyes
following directions

nickels in an ashtray
ignored
ignored
like
ashes falling into ashes

always ashes
always
about burning
about breaking
about broken

words falling short

binding
books
binding
wrists
binding
hearts
to the hood of the car

crying rose petals
crying blood

never see
never saw
never will

nerves
in fingers
nerves
in actions
nerves
in tongues

keep speaking
keep words
keep moving

pulling out hair
pulling out eyelashes

always coming back to eyelashes

lashes to ashes

rings around our cheeks

rings around our cheeks.


--erin