blood sugar sex magik (explicit) - red/hot chili peppers

you call yourself strong
while the tears stay inside

keeping the blue
inside

and you can't see past the red
lights of the cars in front of you

and you drive away before the porcelain cracks
and you fill up with words

that never made your lungs
feel full until now

and your fingers are cold
and so are your toes

like they're blue
like they're going back to blue

and he walked away
and you don't know

where he went
and you don't care

about him driving stick
in your automatic

even though you remember
passing every red

light in front of you
every red

light falling
behind you

so you just adjust the rearview mirror
push your seat forward again

so you stop worrying what color your car is and
what color your heart is

because they're both
just fucking red

because everything's
just fucking red

and you worry about the cracked skin
on your knuckles

how the cracks are red

and they're different
from the cracks in the skin of his

but they're fucking red
too

and you remember the
good songs that remind you

of good times with people
who were bad for you

because you were good for them
and you're tired of being good for anyone

but yourself

because you're blue

you're fucking blue

and your lungs are full
and there's air
and you breathe in
and it's blue

your lungs are blue
even if your heart is red

and your car is red
and your knuckles are red

your lungs are blue

and you breathe
and you breathe
and you breathe
and you


--erin

headstone

my body
is a graveyard.

the bruises are fading
the nail marks have healed
but they were only gravestones anyway,

marking the places
you had whispered into my skin.

a lot of words
floating like smoke
from the coke can you passed me.

fogging up my head
like the words
that crawled beneath
the gravestones
you placed

beside my hips
beneath my collarbone
between my thighs.

the markers have faded
but the words are still there

light as smoke
from a coke can:

youre so beautiful.
rest in peace.

--erin

don't cry in college.

there's an ocean in her eyes.
she looks like a river.
she feels like a desert.

she watches as the light buzzes above her.
she watches as the stars come out.
she watches herself fall.

her face.
her tears.
her everything.

alone.

she can't help but feel.
she feels it all.

she wonders
when she last cried like this.

everything she is,
exposed in the bright spots
when she feels dark.

she asks when her cheeks burned
and the blue in her eyes
started to drown.

she can't remember.

too strong.
too long.

she can't remember.

she can't remember.

she can't remember.

she tries to breathe.

i can't remember.


--erin

another list called "good things"

• rediscovering totally bangin' playlists from long ago
• people who recognize movie quotes
• not writing papers at 1a.m.
• sleep
• laughing at yourself
• feeling full but not fat
• modest mouse
• coming up with band names
• like how cool would it be if your band was named eponymous so that your eponymous album would be called eponymous
• don't steal my idea
• bullet points
• not having homework to do
• sleep
• obedient liquid eye liner
• having q-tips readily on hand for disobedient liquid eye liner
• laying on the ground
• harry potter and the prizoner of azkaban
• harry potter and the literally anything 
• that wasn't actually a book
• sorry for crushing your hopes and dreams
• mine died with fred weasley
• no shave november and also october and december and january and february and throw in march for good measure
• electric guest
• five dollar concerts in pioneer park
• chocolate milk
• the word "heathen" and its accurate application to me that everyone thinks i'm joking about but i kind of want a tattoo and i don't want to go on a mission and i say shit a lot and my brain says fuck a lot and i have to think about what i'm saying a lot because otherwise i'd end up saying "you can take your studying and shove it up your ass" and that seems to be frowned upon in the greater provo area
• sleep
• dr pepper from mcdonald's
• autocorrect*
• asterisks
• ampersands
• freckled shoulders
• phantogram
• knowing trivia
• did you know that snails are hermaphrodites
• did you know that lions and leopards and cheetahs don't get along
• did you know that grizzly bear remixed a feist song
• like what is this and how is this
• as much as i like it, i don't know how i feel about grizzly bear remixing things
• did you know that titus andronicus is the worst ever
• this is truth
• not opinion
• sleeping babies
• lyk omg babeez
• apple cider
• sweaters
• boys
• campfires
• the combination of the four preceding points
• sleep
• 1a.m. blogging
• eating real breakfast
• CAPSLOCK
• a lack of capslock
• rain
• crunchy leaves
• electric blankets
• e.e. cummings
• a lot of the books on the banned book list
• i'm looking at you, perks of being a wallflower
• not so much captain underpants.
• sorry
• those chocolate oranges i get in my stocking at christmas that you against the floor so that the little chocolate sections fall away from the center like a beautiful artichoke
• or something like that
• everyone's obsession with david archuleta and then they're like "but his ideal girl is one that isn't obsessed with him" and then i say "obv i'm his ideal girl then, considering the fact that if i wasn't as lazy as i def am, i probably would've voted for david cook." and then they ignore my lack of fangirling over him as i laugh because probably none of us will marry him
• sleep
• oreos dipped in nutella
• thinking about baby names like i can actually talk to cute boys without reverting to my multi-chinned state of awkward non-flirting
• i can't
• i'm never getting married
• if i have a girl, i want to name her rosaline
• my dog
• he's smelly
• i love him
• my roommate
• she's actually super cool
• we get along really well
• we have dance parties with a strobe light app
• she thinks it's scary
• i think her fear is amusing
• i am a terrible person
• sleep
• boys with nice jawlines
• i could name our child rosaline
• beating other people academically
• it reminds me of high school
• #sorrynotsorry
• sleep

--erin

*sometimes