blood sugar sex magik (explicit) - red/hot chili peppers

you call yourself strong
while the tears stay inside

keeping the blue
inside

and you can't see past the red
lights of the cars in front of you

and you drive away before the porcelain cracks
and you fill up with words

that never made your lungs
feel full until now

and your fingers are cold
and so are your toes

like they're blue
like they're going back to blue

and he walked away
and you don't know

where he went
and you don't care

about him driving stick
in your automatic

even though you remember
passing every red

light in front of you
every red

light falling
behind you

so you just adjust the rearview mirror
push your seat forward again

so you stop worrying what color your car is and
what color your heart is

because they're both
just fucking red

because everything's
just fucking red

and you worry about the cracked skin
on your knuckles

how the cracks are red

and they're different
from the cracks in the skin of his

but they're fucking red
too

and you remember the
good songs that remind you

of good times with people
who were bad for you

because you were good for them
and you're tired of being good for anyone

but yourself

because you're blue

you're fucking blue

and your lungs are full
and there's air
and you breathe in
and it's blue

your lungs are blue
even if your heart is red

and your car is red
and your knuckles are red

your lungs are blue

and you breathe
and you breathe
and you breathe
and you


--erin

remember that time we all watched a guy walk a tightrope over the grand canyon on live tv

my tears and

her tears and

his tears and

their tears

cut their way through my heart

and now there's a groove deep enough

to call the grand canyon

and god cried so much for years

about my tears and

her tears and

his tears and 

their tears

that he created a groove deep enough

to call the grand canyon

and it's grand.

oh, it's grand.

grand enough that people walk tightropes over it

and a "grand" nation

glues its eyes to a screen

hoping those people don't fall and 

hoping those people fall

and god cries some more

because he didn't want anyone to hope that they fall

and those people will make it across in one piece

and a "grand" nation 

will sigh

in relief

in disappointment

and god 

will sigh

in relief

in disappointment

and i will walk across the grand canyon

cut into my heart

and no one

in this "grand" nation

will be glued to a screen

because they'll be busy walking across a tightrope

over their own grand canyon

cut into them by a "grand" nation

and every time they make it across

they'll sigh

in relief

in disappointment

and god's tears will cut deeper into the grand canyon

because he was the one that created this "grand" nation

that half hopes it falls into its own grand canyon

because he was the one that created this "grand" nation

glued to a screen

half hoping that people will fall into god's grand canyon

and it's "grand".

oh, it's "grand".

--erin

astral projections

i can almost feel your hand over mine

and i don't mind

i can almost feel your breath on my neck
and i don't mind

i can almost feel my feet pressing into your sheets
and i don't mind

i can almost feel your teeth pulling at my lips
and i don't mind

i can almost feel my heart beating into your skin
and i don't mind

i can almost feel your empty words tangling in my hair
and i don't mind

i can almost feel the bruises on my hips
and i don't mind

i can almost feel your fingers on my throat
and i don't mind

i can almost feel you killing me
and i don't mind

and i should mind

and i don't mind


--erin

i want you guys to read this because of reasons.

"Myth" - Natasha Trethewey
(which means this isn't my poem and she's much cooler than me. like, poet laureate cool.)


I was asleep while you were dying.
It's as if you slipped through some rift, a hollow
I make between my slumber and my waking,

the Erebus I keep you in, still trying
not to let go. You'll be dead again tomorrow,
but in dreams you live. So I try taking

you back into morning. Sleep-heavy, turning,
my eyes open, I find you do not follow.
Again and again, this constant forsaking.

*

Again and again, this constant forsaking:
my eyes open, I find you do not follow.
You back into morning, sleep-heavy, turning.

But in dreams you live. So I try taking,
not to let go. You'll be dead again tomorrow.
The Erebus I keep you in - still, trying -

I make between my slumber and my waking.
It's as if you slipped through some rift, a hollow.
I was asleep while you were dying.

cyclical

my bones felt like glass,
but they haven't broken yet,

and
her eyes are growing
and shrinking
along with the moon

and
her lungs are growing
and shrinking
along with the moon

and
her faith is growing
and shrinking
along with the moon

and
my bones are made of plastic.

i can beat
and
i can breathe

while she grows
and shrinks
along with the moon.

she thinks her bones are made of glass
and she thinks she is the moon,
but she hasn't broken yet.

i haven't broken yet.


--erin

a girl on my floor is engaged and i haven't even had a boyfriend but this mostly doesn't have anything to do with that.

my bookshelf is overflowing with good intentions
and my eyes are overflowing with misperceptions
and my mind is telling me to pay attention
and my heart is telling me about imperfection

because i'm watching with shaking hands.
i'm asking if i understand.
i'm learning about myself and
and i'm learning that i'm made of sand.

and i'm a sand girl
with a sand castle
and the ocean is brushing my hair out of my face
like mama always did,

with her fingers slotting through the strands.
with my fingers slotting through the sands.
and you can tell my mind it's supposed to expand,
but it'll tell you about my hands
and how they aren't as soft as they're supposed to be.

my thoughts are written out on my ribcage
and my skin is as quiet as a blank page
"you'll understand when you're older" isn't a stage
and they'll tell me to act my age,
but i'm falling asleep to the lullaby that played when i turned the key.

sand girls and boys
line up and down the road
and we're asking what we're doing.
we're older.
we're wiser.
we'll lie to our sisters when they ask us,

because they'll understand when they're older.
they'll understand when they're colder.
they'll understand when their shoulder
shrugs off the questions of their sisters.

because my bookshelf is overflowing with good intentions,
and my eyes are overflowing with misperceptions
and the wind is taking me apart as i get older.
the wind is taking me apart as i get colder.
the wind is taking me apart and my hands aren't as soft as they used to be.
and the wind is taking me apart as i get older.


--erin

missed hands

i'm afraid of forgetting myself.
i'm afraid of turning into mist.

i'm afraid of turning into mist,
and it feels like i'm turning away from the sun.

i'm breathing through my nose
but my mouth is feeling cold.

my hands are feeling cold.
i'm afraid my hands are cold.

i'm afraid of falling when there's nothing to catch me.
i'm afraid that i'd still jump.

i'm afraid of becoming the mist that swallows me.
i'm afraid of youth and loneliness.

i'm afraid that they're more connected than i thought.
i'm afraid that they will swallow me.

i'm afraid of becoming the mist that swallows me.
i'm afraid of waterfalls.

i'm afraid of becoming a waterfall.
waterfalls don't have hands.

waterfalls have mist and they turn from the sunlight.
waterfalls can't catch themselves.

i'm afraid i can't catch myself.
i'm afraid of what i can't do.

i'm afraid of what i can do.
i'm afraid of what the world looks like.

i'm afraid of what it doesn't look like.
i'm afraid of what i want it to look like.

i'm afraid of not having hands near me.
i'm afraid of having hands near me.

i'm afraid of proximity.
i'm afraid of youth and loneliness.

i'm afraid that i don't know what either word means.
i'm afraid that they're entwined.

i'm afraid that they've wrapped around me.
i'm afraid that they are mist.

i'm afraid of youth and loneliness
i'm afraid of you and stoniness

i don't need a hand to hold.
i might need a hand to hold.

i'm afraid my hands are cold.
i'm afraid that i've forgotten.

i'm afraid that i've turned to mist.
i'm afraid that i don't have hands to hold.

i'm afraid that hands pass through me.
i'm afraid that i make them cold.

i'm afraid of being cold.
i might need a hand to hold.

i'm afraid of the mist.
i'm afraid i don't have hands.

i'm afraid my hands are cold.
i'm afraid of my mist.

i'm afraid my hands are mist.
i'm afraid your hands will miss.

i'm afraid of you
i'm afraid of me
i'm afraid of the pain in the lines on my hands
i'm afraid of hands holding my heart
i'm afraid of my heart trapped behind the bars of my chest
i'm afraid of giving it to you
i'm afraid of your hands
i'm afraid of my hands
i'm afraid of the mist
i'm afraid of my hands
i'm afraid of the mist
i'm afraid of the hands
i'm afraid of my mist
missing hands hold missing hearts
walk into the mist walk into me
walking away
walking alone
watching alone
wasting away
being a stone
falling away


--erin

don't cry in college.

there's an ocean in her eyes.
she looks like a river.
she feels like a desert.

she watches as the light buzzes above her.
she watches as the stars come out.
she watches herself fall.

her face.
her tears.
her everything.

alone.

she can't help but feel.
she feels it all.

she wonders
when she last cried like this.

everything she is,
exposed in the bright spots
when she feels dark.

she asks when her cheeks burned
and the blue in her eyes
started to drown.

she can't remember.

too strong.
too long.

she can't remember.

she can't remember.

she can't remember.

she tries to breathe.

i can't remember.


--erin

a mostly pointless list of mostly pointless superpowers written by a mostly pointless girl with a mostly pointless major and mostly pointless blue eyes that cry mostly pointless tears when she's mostly pointlessly sad

• the ability to make water lukewarm
• the ability to gain weight at above average speed (but you have to do that whole diet and exercise crap to get rid of it)
• the ability to punch really hard but really slowly
• the ability to run in slow motion 
• the ability to turn anything into a tv remote (but you can't change it back)
• the ability to doggy paddle twice as quickly
• the ability to move at the speed of light (but only when you're already in space. good luck finding a rocketship. if draco couldn't find one, neither can you. no pigfarts for you. pff)
• the ability to screenshot just by blinking
• the ability to fall asleep exactly 38 minutes after you go to bed
• the ability to eat two chocolate cakes in the space of an hour
• the ability to insert punctuation into other people's texts
• the ability to attract baseballs with your face
• the ability to name that actor in that movie without consulting imdb
• the ability to turn any noodles into top ramen
• the ability to make green things orange
• the ability to be open about things
• the ability to fall in love
• the ability to not care about getting hurt
• the ability to run away from feelings
• the ability to make leopard print into cheetah print
• the ability to make a really successful baking soda and vinegar volcano
• the ability to make cardboard into printer paper
• the ability to ask the supposedly nonexistent "stupid question"
• the ability to finish half of the things you start
• like this list

--erin

notes

my bones broke when i ripped the page

and your mother stopped calling when you were

nothing but fine.

you were

anything but fine.

big hearts break into small pieces.

and her lips said love

and her hips said sin

and i know i can't be unbroken

and i know i can't take back the words i've thrown from my tongue,

even if i wanted to,

even when they shattered against you

and you

and you

and you

like a glass bottle shatters against brick

and i lied to myself when i said that i was strong.

because broken glass cuts.

it always has.

it always will.

and i warn myself away

and i keep my own secrets

for now.

and i watched my hands,

two at the top

the right drops

the white splits

half stuck on the left

half escaped to the right

that flutters down

and the "in" falls

on the fault line

and the "er" stays

between the satin covers.

so, slip your fingers between mine, love,

and cry for me when i can't myself

because my bones broke when i ripped the page,

and my eyes stayed dry.

my bones broke when i ripped the page

and i watched as white turned to grey.

let the tears carve tracks to your throat, dear,

because my bones broke when i ripped the page,

and i'd be lying if i said i wouldn't do it again.

cry like a firestorm, love,

cry,

because big hearts break into small pieces,

just like everything else.


--erin

rhyme, not reason

lights fade                                           .                                                      
laughter dies                         .                                                        .                               .                .
love follows                                            .                                                  
hate lies                                                                                                                                        .
                                              .                                  .                                              .
kiss your palms                              .                     .                       '                                        .
touch the stars                                     .      .                                .               .               .
watch the skies                    .                                                                      
watch the skies                              .                                                                      .                             .
                                                                        .                   .            
now is then                                                                                                  
then was will           .                                  .                                .                                   .             .
close your eyes                            .                        ..                                              .
lie so still                                                                               .            .    
                                                                                                                                               :
kiss your palms  .                      .                              ..                                .      
touch the stars                                       :                                  .                                       .
it's God's will               .                                  .                                     .        
it's God's will                                                                   .                                     .
                                               .                                                          .        
quiet hearts                   .                   .                          .               :                                               ..
shaking fears            .                                  .                                              .                        .
always stopping                  .                                .                          .                        .
stealing tears                                   .                                  .                   .
                                     .                                                         .                           .               .
kiss your palms                            .                                .                     .      
touch the stars         .              .      ..                       .                   .                
hope appears                                              .                                             .
hope appears                                                                   .                                              .                  
                                    .                          .                        .                      .  
lips pressing                            .                           .                          .                                                    .
eyelids shut                                                  .                                        
cheeks warming                                                          ..                     .  
asking what                               .              .                     :                  .                                     .            
                                                   .                       .                         .                 .
kiss your palms         .                             .                        .                         .    
touch the stars                         .                                                        .                       ..
heal the cuts            .                                                 .                                   .
heal the cuts                                    .                                   .              
                                                            .               .                                                      .                     '
pinpricks                                                           .                                          
blinks                   .                                                              .                .
falls                                           .                                                 .                
shoots                                                                                       .                                               .  
thinks     .               .                                           :                                                  ..                      
walls                .                                .                                          .              .
winks                       .                 .                             .                          .        
boots          ..                     .                       .                        .            .           .                                           .
walks                                         .                  .                                                                ..          .  
wicks                                                                  .                                 .  
stalks            .                                    ..                                     .                
ticks                        :                                                   .                                            .                            .
talks                                      .                                                          .
sticks                                                       .                                                                .              .      
stones         .                                      .                                  .                  
bones                                                                 .                                  .  
box                            .                                                           .
bruises                                                  .                                          .                 .              .
palms           .                                                                .                  
palms                                    .                                                                                         .                         .
palms                   .                                               .                                                                     .
stars                                                                                                      .
stars                                                                                          .                                 .
stars             .                                     .
stars                                                                        .                                          .                     .               ..
                                   .                                                                      .
                                                                                      .
                                                       .                                                                 .                      .          
.                                                                                               .                                   .                        .  
       .                                                                                                         .       :                                
                                .                                     .                         .                                        .              
      .                       .                        .                                                           .           .                  .      
                    .                                .                     .                    .                        .        
.        .                     .                                   .                                    .                      .                 .           .                                                           .                  .                    .                              .            .            .                                                                                                     .                             .                                   .             .                           .                   .                                                             .                            ..              .                    .                                                                      .              .                     .                                                               .                               . . .                                                           .                      .             .   .   .    .                             .                              .            .                                                                 .                                        .                     .                                          .                 .         .                                   .                   .                            .                        .            .                                                   .            :               .                               .                                                          .                  .                                                  .               .                      .                      .                    .                                    .            .                                 .                          .                                              .                   .                                                           .                   .                           .                                     .                               .               .            .            .            .                          :                                          .                            .                .                      :                                 .      .                                .            .
                         .                                                       .                          .                           .              .                   .                                                                                .                                .                                                                                                 .                                                                          .
                                                            .                                            .                          .                                                     .          
 .
                                                                                             .

kiss your palms and touch the stars
touch your heart
kiss your eyes
kiss the lovers
touch the night
touch the night
touch the light


--erin



[star field idea stolen from this post, btw, because endymion fell is incrrreeddiibbblleee. let's talk about how good her poetry is.... it's very good.]

wizdomme

things that didn't make my paper about the definition of wisdom for my shakespeare class:

wisdom is a heart that beats instead of breaking
understanding before reacting
living before falling
falling before running
running before crawling
crawling before crying
wisdom bleeds
wisdom hears and
wisdom hurts
belief in yourself
belief in everything but yourself
wisdom is remembering pain
knowing you don't know everything
trying to learn everything
loving without reservation
loving with only reservation
watching the spaces between your fingertips
closing the spaces between your hearts
dropping barriers
putting them up
knowing yourself
forgetting yourself
forgetting everyone else
crying until the tears forget why they're there
showing vulnerability
hiding vulnerability
sharing your soul
keeping it to yourself



i still don't know what wisdom is
where to find it
how to gain it
if i'm supposed to apply it
or live in shaking ignorance






tell me if wisdom is accepting pain
or avoiding it



--erin

i really don't know what to even do with this, let alone what to call it.

chests fluttering like eyelashes
birds' wings
following eyes
following directions

nickels in an ashtray
ignored
ignored
like
ashes falling into ashes

always ashes
always
about burning
about breaking
about broken

words falling short

binding
books
binding
wrists
binding
hearts
to the hood of the car

crying rose petals
crying blood

never see
never saw
never will

nerves
in fingers
nerves
in actions
nerves
in tongues

keep speaking
keep words
keep moving

pulling out hair
pulling out eyelashes

always coming back to eyelashes

lashes to ashes

rings around our cheeks

rings around our cheeks.


--erin