panning

i want you,

but i don't love you.

you're in my bed,

in my head,

drawing rivers onto my skin

and spinning my hair into gold.

i want you,

but I can't love you.

you're in my bed,

in my head,

turning my thoughts into rivers

and telling me that we're gold. 

i want you,

but I won't love you.

you're in my bed,

in my head,

the river pulling me under,

saying my hair looks gold underwater. 

i don't love you,

but i want to

just to know what it's like

to love the things that hurt me.

--erin