you call yourself strong
while the tears stay inside
keeping the blue
inside
and you can't see past the red
lights of the cars in front of you
and you drive away before the porcelain cracks
and you fill up with words
that never made your lungs
feel full until now
and your fingers are cold
and so are your toes
like they're blue
like they're going back to blue
and he walked away
and you don't know
where he went
and you don't care
about him driving stick
in your automatic
even though you remember
passing every red
light in front of you
every red
light falling
behind you
so you just adjust the rearview mirror
push your seat forward again
so you stop worrying what color your car is and
what color your heart is
because they're both
just fucking red
because everything's
just fucking red
and you worry about the cracked skin
on your knuckles
how the cracks are red
and they're different
from the cracks in the skin of his
but they're fucking red
too
and you remember the
good songs that remind you
of good times with people
who were bad for you
because you were good for them
and you're tired of being good for anyone
but yourself
because you're blue
you're fucking blue
and your lungs are full
and there's air
and you breathe in
and it's blue
your lungs are blue
even if your heart is red
and your car is red
and your knuckles are red
your lungs are blue
and you breathe
and you breathe
and you breathe
and you
--
erin
